List of Confession

1) I love lettuce. I just love it. I like them in my sandwiche, or anywhere in my food. The way they taste and feel while you eat it is INCREDIBLE. I remember there wasn't any edible food in my house, and I started eating lettuce. Only that. No salt, no olive oil. Just plain lettuce.

2) Sometimes I wake up early just to piss my sister by saying, "OH MY GOD, WAKE UP! IT'S 7:30" when it's actually 6. Trust me, it works. It's a great method to piss anyone actually :)

3) I hate this person in highschool. It's a girl (No name mentioned). I dislike her...because, she thinks she's so cool just because she has "friends" who are somewhat popular. Even though I don't see her around often, whenever I get to see her, I don't know why but it makes me so angry. Basically, shes a wannabe. I bet nobody really likes her. She tries too hard. The pictures in facebook, wow...That's just speechless. She actually POSES for the picture, trying to ACT cute. In my opinion, I hate those kind of people. My sister, who's in 11th grade, HATES her too.


4) I don't like the sun so much. It BURNS me. I get darker...-.- I used to be a little bit pale in sweden, but now?!?!??LOOK AT ME!! I'm darker...Ugh, stupid sun...

5) Don't you have these days, when you don't feel like talking to your siblings? I do. I NEVER have a single day when my sister doesn't talk to me. I mean, please...Leave me alone...

6) I'm so sleepy right now that I'm closing my eyes while typing. And please excuse me if I have some spelling mistakes... You see, its not that hard like tyou think. And now I have to open my eyes because I have a feeling I've mispelled a ton of words.

7) I can't wait to go to the mall tomorrow with Jaye!!! I've got so much things to buy!!!

8) I've always wondered, why is the Mcdonald when people keep saying that there is alot of obese people in the world? They are complaining about how bad and unhealthy the foods in Mcdonald are, when they don't DO anything about it.

9) Do you know, thats it's not a secret if you say, "Hey, don't tell anyone I told you this. This is a secret" Why? Because secrets aren't meant to be told to nobody. So if you say a secret to someonee, it ISN'T a secret. But don't worry. I do that A LOT :)

10) Yay!!! Finally I'm in number 10!!!That's when it hits me. I thought I was done with english homework, when all of a sudden, I remember : Wordly Wise Test...-.- Darn it.

NEVER Expect So Much

I've told my dad months ago (almost 6 months), that (1) I had to get my eyes checked, (2) get a new camera charger, and (3) to go to the dentist. I've become irascible and I am now entreating him everyday for this. But seriously, why isn't he listening to me? Is it because I haven't been affable to him these days? Was I amiss for asking too much? These thoughts haunts me sometimes.

Then I hear it. The familiar key sound. The footstep that echoes through the hallway. It's dad. I know its him. I walk over to him, and ask straight away, without even a hello, "Dad, WHEN are you going to do at least ONE thing I asked for?" My voice is thick and filled with anger. He looks at me, and sighs. No answer. Just sighs. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and pissed. He doesn't understand me. Is it so hard to do at least one of the things I asked for? I've waited paciently for months, and all I get is a sigh. WHY???

Days past, but not a single change. He keeps saying, "Ok, I'll try" or "Ok, I will." That simple. I'm so infuriated I want to scream at him. But I bite my lips until they hurt. This seems to be interminable. I loose half of my daily energy every day, complaining, complaining, and begging him. I feel tears in my eyes, but dad says what he always says, "Ok." Sometimes I feel sorry for him, sometimes I explode like a volcanoe. Sorry and mad. It's one of them. Mostly happy though. But not this time.

Thats when I learn my lesson. NEVER ask for so much. NEVER expect so much. NEVER keeps your hopes too high, or you might end up being disappointed. You never know.

You Are So Unique

You call my name,

Yeji,

When I come

Back from school,

When tears run

Down your small cheeks.

Your hair,

Has beautiful waves and curls,

Your eyes,

Big,

Deep dark brown,

Shines like the moon,

Unique face,

A face,

Everyone stops,

Just to give you a kiss.

The way you walk,

The way you laugh,

The way you eat your food,

The way you sleep,

Attracks every people,

Who pass by,

You are unique,

Because you're my sister,

Chloe.

You come in my room,

Just to hug me,

Just to give me

Your candy.

You cry,

When you see,

Unknown people,

When mom isn't there,

Beside you.

You're sleeping right now,

In a world

So different from here.

Sleep tight,

My dear sister,

You're beauty,

Makes me give you a kiss.

Sleep tight

My dear sister,

Tomorrow,

Awaits you.

What Would You Do?

Everyday, I come home, and watch something while eating. Today I watched a drama. But one that was so touching that tears run down my cheeks.


What would you do, if you're in a river you and there is only one log for only one person, and you and the person you love, can't swim? Would you use the log, or would you give it to that person? Tricky question. Well, this is what I would do. I would hold on to one side of the log, and him in the other. We don't know what would happen, but still we trust each other. I know you people would think, "Is she crazy? Isn't just dieing for the person you love the right thing to say?" Yes, thats what people would say. But imagine you actually in the situation right now. You have to make a fast decision. You don't want to die, and you don't want him/her to die either.


The problem is this in the drama. The girl isn't a human but in order for her to be one, she has to give her marble to another person. And thats what she does. The guy needs to keep it for 100 days. But the problem is, when the 100 days end, he needs to give her back her marble, but he dies. If he doesn't give her back the marble, she dies. Complicated. The guy finds out right in the 50th day. He makes a choice. He decides to give her back her marble. He's giving away half of his life, and the girl has to give up being a human, just for love. They don't know what would happen to them. The guy might die, and maybe he won't.


I'm eager to know whats going to happen, but thats when it ends. DAM! I hate it when it ends right at the most important part! Jeeze. I guess I have to wait till tomorrow. I'm typing this right now, and I wonder and wonder about what just happened. Today I learn, there is always a way out, but you have to sacrifice something.

Why is Asia's Education System So Strict?

If you aren't from Asia, then it might be hard for you to understand my situation. I bet EVERY Asians concurs with me. Americans, Europeans, Hispanic people go to parties, shopping, sleepovers, when WE have to be stuck at home, learning this ugly, complicated math and other subjects? Why? Why can't they study at the same time too, to make it even? This always infuriates me.



Once, there was a big party at my friends house, but unfortunately, my MOM(she is irascible) didn't let me and demanded me to study...-.-. But do you think its' possible to study when in another world, your friends are laughing, dancing and having the best time ever? I just sit there, and the books stare at me. I swear they do. Anything that involves studying, haunts me.



Another thing I don't understand is why isn't my mom, or any other korean moms not satisfied with their childs grade? Spanish A, Math A-, History A, Science B, and English A. They literally make me sit down on the couch for 1 hour and listen to them go on about just that single, stupid, ugly, nasty, evil B. I mean for crying out loud, my friends get 3 B's and their parents say "Good Job." Can you see that HUGE difference?



I want to tell a tirade speech to the Korean President or government, who ever it is, that I hate this education system. Why don't they do something about it? Or at least try to make studying fun.



When I lived in Korea for a year and a half, I thought I was going to succumb. I've cried and entreated my parents to go back to Sweden and I was tired of staying up late studying. I FAILED there. I felt completely despondent. That is when my mom started making me study like mad. After school, I would go to cram school. It would end at 6. After that, I had to go back home, and had to be tutored. After that, I had to go to my piano school and take lessons there. By 23:00 (11), I would be home exhausted...About to faint... Am I done? No. Still one more thing to do. Homework. Homework from school and cram school. When everyone in my house was sleeping, my room light was the only one on, and I'd be doing hw at night...And I'd say to myself "Wow, this homework is interminable."

I know that Asians, most of the time, is lead to a successful path, but studying that much, leaves a big stress to students. I abhor this education system so much! It is NOT good. This seems amiss to me.

Lots to Confess

P.S= This Confession is my longest Confession ever...

1) I LOVE Confession Tuesday. It's a day when you can confess things and makes you feel a whole lot better.

2) I HATE it when my older sister can say everything she wants to say to me(including insults) and I can't. I remember once I got so mad, I actually attacked her with words and ended up with a hard punch from her. I have to say, she gets so pissed off when I just say "shut up" , when she's the once who says much harsh words, and I deal with them and don't punch her.

3)I HATE it when I find seafood inside my food. At first, I would serve myself a big plateful, when all of a sudden, I see this white, weird sea creature in my food. That's just nasty. So then I would have to give my plate to someone else in my family, and end up eating bread...-.- (This happens to me A LOT)

4) I have to admit, I eat very much. Very much as in really A LOT. I would keep eating and eating and I don't understand why I don't get fat!?!?! I mean, is there something wrong with me? Am I unhealthy??? My sister used to call me "Pig" because of two reasons. (1) I ate like a pig, (2) pig in korean rhymes with my name, Yeji. I used to get so pissed because of this, but I grew out of it.

5) Why are korean moms so worried about studies?!?!?! Can't I have a break for once in my life? Why am I not allowed to go to the movies often and have to be home studying all those weird language and those complicating math? Why can't I go shopping once a week? Why can't I watch T.V with Dad at night? WHY? Those Americans, Latins, and Europeans go to parties, shopping and do whatever they want but why can't I? I seriously with all my heart, hate it that asians education is so stricked. I HATE IT!!!!

6) I don't really enjoy eating so much sweets. When I get candies from parties, I eat a few, like 3 or 4, but the rest, I put them in the refrigerator. After some days, I would remember the uneaten candies. I won't be bothered to eat them so I just throw it away. This might sound weird, but I enjoy eating food than candies. Don't ask me why, because I also don't know.

7) I have another nickname. One that Mrs.Meadows calls me. Lucy Liu. I dont know her that well. But still I find it intersting and funny, especially the Bruce Lee part. Hahahaha =)

8) I love it when its raining, thundering and you're inside your covers, sleeping, the lights are all off and you're just there, listening to the rain pour down to earth. It's just WONDERFUL.

9) I'm not embarrassed of being Christian. I love being Christian. Why would you be embarrassed? If you are embarrassed then you aren't Christian. I thank my parents that I got to know God ^^

10) When there is a big scary test coming, I always pray to God. And I'm being totally honest, but It seriously works. I prayed super hard for the map test, and I was so surprised that I improved a lot and I got 256 for the math score. Believe me, God is real.

11) I've always wondered...Who is my soulmate? I wish I had this talent to know my future.

12) I adore comments. Who doesn't? I bet there is people who are waiting for comments right now. So people, COMMENT!!!

13) I love being home alone. Best time to sleep, listen to music out loud, watch t.v, eat, and sleep again...

14) ...Whoa...I wrote this much? Jeez, I really did have a lot to confess ^^. Anyways, though I still have a lot of things to confess about, I'll save it till later and end here today.

Caught a Nasty Cold

It was steaming. Sizzling. Boiling. Though it was night, I felt no breeze from the window, not even the whispers of wind. I was on the computer, while listening to music, in a "sauna." I didn't put on the air conditioner because then the "sauna" would turn into "north pole" and I'd freeze to death. I like normal temperature.


I gave up on what I was doing and grabbed my pajamas from my closet. I literally ran to my bathroom and turned on the water. The water was cool and perfect. I swear I was in the shower for almost 20 minutes.


I came out the shower and felt the cool air touch my face. I gingerly brushed my hair with my brown comb, and looked out the window. 21.55, still night. My sisters were still sleeping in a day like this. Wow... Normally, I'd blow dry my hair since MY MOM wants me to... She thinks I would have a cold. But c'mon, just one day without it, won't KILL me, would it? I mean it's hot here. So with 3 minutes of thinking, I finally made a decision to just sleep with my hair wet.


The next day...


I woke up, and found myself coughing...My throat hurt the most, and then came my head. If you were in my house, you would've seen a HUGE PILE of kleenex. So yea, I got a red nose for blowing it so much. Now, I recommed you, to NEVER sleep with your hair wet and yes, LISTEN to your mom or else you'd be stuck in your room, blowing your nose for hours, and end up being Rudolph, the red nose reindeer.

You're Just My Friend

There's so many people,
I keep bumping into them,
My books about to

Fall out of my hands.

I'm almost there

to my class,

And I spot you,

Out of 40 people,

I spot you,

In a second.

Your hair shining like

Seven stars all at once,

Your eyes

I could get lost in,

The world would stop,

Just to see,

Your face

A masterpiece.

You are

The perfect creation

From God.

My heart beats,

Uncontrollably.

You see me,

And smile,

Your sweet, special

Smile.

I turn pink,

Scared if

I would get trapped in

Your chocolate brown eyes.

Then I see it.

She comes up to you,

Your facial expression changes,

My heart beat stops.

She shows you

Her beautiful smile,

You show her yours,

She playing with her

Long brown, wavy hair,

Her nails,

Deep dark,

Purple,

Your favorite color.

She laughs,

You laugh,

And I stare.

I look at my nails,

No manicure,

No violet enamel,

Just plain ugly.

I look at my hair,

Short, straight,

Black, boring,

No waves or curls,

Just normal.

I feel bitter,

Envy,

Embarrassed.

I turn my body,

Trying to hide

Myself behind the people.

And I walk,

Slowly,

Far away

From you.

Your just my friend,

A friend,

Nothing more.

I hold back,

My streaming tears,

And I walk to class.

Your just my friend...

Dear Ashini

Y. Seok
618 Miracle Lane
Panama City, Panama

September 8th 2010

Dear Ashini,
How are you? This isnt an imperative letter but I just wanted to tell you how I was. It's been so long not talking to you. After that spontaneous news about you leaving to Denmark, my desposition changed from good to bad. Our memories still recur to me. We used to tell our deepest secrets, gossip, and laugh together. You used to hear my struggles, compliment me, and care about me. You were the one who cheered me up. But now you're gone to somewhere far way-Denmark. Even though I sometimes complain to you, you listen to me, without a single argue. I'm sorry if I wasn't a great friend, but you were just so nice enough to understand me. Thank you :)


I miss you're laugh at lunch, your support in spanish class, and your voice which always sounded so warm, like you were my sister. There is so much things I want to tell you, but I can't. You're not here... Remember the times when you used to read me your anthology of poems ? They were so beautiful I can still remember it clearly. I wish I could hear it again, but of course we can't go back time.


I wonder how you are doing Ashini. Do you like Denmark? I bet you do. It's would be your first time seeing snow!!! Is the people in your school kind? Do you have a bestfriend? I surmise that you do because no one would hate your personality.


My dad said that next year we would probably leave Panama. I hope we get picked to go to Denmark!!!Then I can see you and be your bestfriend I used to be. I miss you so much and love youuuu !!!!! :D

Your friend who misses you a lot,
Yeji Seok

Confession Tuesday

I am not going to like a guy. I know it would take a while to get use to, but I'm going to try my best. These days, I realized that if you secretly like a guy, the only thing that gives you is a second of happiness and the rest is pain and hurt. Some of you guys could think I'm out of my mind, but if you are in my shoes right now, you will understand. Liking a guy, makes you think of him all day long, you become self-concious, and you cannot concentrate on other things.


The person who was once in my heart, is slowly starting to disappear. I try to think of other things-- a funny movie, my bestfriend, and what I will do when I come home. I'm afraid I will have a broken heart if I like a guy. I don't look at his face, I don't look at his direction, and I talk to other guys to take my mind off him. The love you get back, last just a second, but makes your heart beat so fast you're out of breath. But the pain and hurt you get, has no words to describe it. It feels as if you are drowning in the big waves, pushing you deep inside the dark, cold ocean. I don't want to struggle anymore longer. The pain I had is so much, I can't even bare it. I don't think I'm ready to experience it again. I need to wait for my heart to heal.

In my grade, almost every girl has a crush. Or thats what I'm guessing. If you tell me to seperate the people into two, I can. People who are happy because of love, and people who are sad because of love. Surprising, but its true.

So yeah. Thats what I want to confess today. I'm not saying I am going to hate guys, but that I will not like a guy as in have a crush on him. But instead, I want to be a great friend to everyone, including guys, and be the happy, friendly Yeji, I used to be.

I Will Never Drink Wine Again

I flipped through the channels, nothing dragging my attention, not even my favorite channel number 7. Dad sat beside me, a glass of wine in his hand. He watched me flip through some more channels and after a few seconds, he yelled, "Wait, stop there Yeji! Lets watch that."





I rolled my eyes, and threw the remote control onto the sofa. Every movie my dad choose, are mostly detective and mystery. And this of course, was one of them. It was SUPER boring I shall say, but my dad was so into the movie he didn't notice I stood up and went to the kitchen to get myself some bread. I sat back onto the black sofa, and looked around. I was drowning in boredom;I had to do something.

Then thats when an idea hits me . I turned to look at dad, who of course was still drinking his wine , while looking at the T.V. I saw the blood-red wine shinning inside the glass.



"Dad, can I take a sip of your wine please?" I asked, my voice shaking. Dad stopped watching the T.V and looked at me, confused.


"You want to drink this???" Dad asked, his face the are-you-crazy sign.


"Yes, just a sip. I want to try how it taste like" I replied. Dad thought for a moment, and I heard nothing but just the sound of the T.V.


"Ok, but just a sip." He warned, handing me his blood- red wine. The smell was so strong. Grape, alcohol, and other things which I couldn't recognize. I put my lips onto the glass, and slowly, but carefully started to drink little by little. The taste was powerful, it was worse than anything I've ever tasted in my whole life. A frown stretched across my face, and quickly I placed the wine down on the table.



"AHHHHHH ITS NASTY!!!!!" I yelled, running to the kitchen to get some water.


"I knew you wouldn't like it" I heard my dad say behind me. Drinking the water didn't help much but at least some of the taste went away. I sat down back on the sofa and looked at my dad drinking wine. I shivered. The wine slowly started to dissapear.





Thats when I learned it. I will NEVER again drink wine. I can still remember the taste perfectly. My dad used to tell me wine taste like grape juice but just with alcohol but NO WAY, its not true...Its WORSE. At least to me it was. I promise to myself I will never again let that glass of wine near me. The worst part is, I had a really bad stomache ache AND my disposition went normal to bad...-.-

Just the way you are- Bruno Mars

Like any other day, I was on the bus, listening to music. Today, all the way home, I was listening to songs like, Cody Simpson's -"iYiY," "Just the way you are," by Bruno Mars, "Whatcha say" by Jason Derulo," and "Dynamite" sung by Taio Cruz. Most of the time, when I listen to music, I think about the things that happened to me in the past, and remember them. I never have a blank mind while I listen to music. I dont know why. It's just how I am :)

All the songs I hear are very good, but these days, my favorite one is the song, "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. I don't know whether this song just came out or if it is old , but I mean, who cares? Music that you LIKE, is what that matters. This music, it brings back a lot of memories and thoughts. I'm in my own world, thinking...and thinking... The words, its so touchy, I'm swimming in them. It relates so perfectly to what I'm usually thinking these days. The person who says, "I like just the way you are", the person who doesn't care about what you wear, how you look, but cares about that pure clean heart of yours. The person who thinks about you, who says "You're so beautiful" every day, who says "There is nothing for you to change because you're amazing"


And I keep thinking, while the bus is moving, while I see the world outside, through my window. I don't think about the people who are walking, the little kids who are screaming, or the traffic. But this music.

The face, the memories, the thought, the words, it flashes up. Its like I'm seeing a movies. But instead of not knowing what would happen next, I know it. I know what would happen. I know it perfectly. Because its my memory. But somewhere deep inside my heart, it cries...and cries...and I don't know why...


I hear my sister shouting at me, and then I realize, that the bus was waiting for me to go out the door. I wish I could listen to this song, a little bit more, just 5 more minutes, but this stupid bus stops me...