Music

I stepped inside the bus, the cold air hitting my face. I shiver as I sit in my usual bus seat. More people entered the bus, the silence disappearing. I opend my blue bagpack, taking out my Ipod. I turned the music high, ignoring the small kids screaming. Everything was clear. No more screams, no more yelling. But only me and the music, me and the words, me and the melody. The rythems, the beat, the touching words, it sooth my heart, the worries I had these past weeks, slowly fading away.
I didn't think about anything. Nothing. Nothing at all. The stress, the struggles, the worries, they all melted. The time I fought with my friends, the time insults attacked me, the time I wanted to cry out loud, they no more disturbed my mind.
I glanced out the window, only about 2 minutes untill we arrive at school. I sighed, knowing I have to turn off my Ipod off. That second, when I took out my ear phones, when I touched my Ipod to turn it off, the worries, the stress flew back to me. It was as if a big wave of woes was about to crash into me.
It's like that. When I hear music, my woes disappear, but if I don't, It flies back to me.

He Promised

I like beans with ketcup
But George ain't got no ketchup
When I make trouble,
He calls me a crazy fool
He calls me a dumb basterd
But I ain't want no trouble
And George know it


We got somebody to talk to
We're gonna live off the fata the lan'
He said I can tend 'em rabbits
Colorful ones too
Millions of 'em
Furry ones
George promised

George don't like me petting no mice
He said it ain't fresh
He said he'd give me a pup
George promised
He won't lie to me
I know he won't
He promised

Summer

People who likes all the season, people who don't mind living in a hot country, I wish I was one of them. Me? I don't like warm countries, nor summer.
Summer-the weather most people enjoy, the weather that brightens up peoples heart- has never been a pleasing weather to me. Sweaty, sticky, sun tan, smelly, burnt...Not the way I like it. What about Panama? To be honest, I don't like this country that much. I've always wondered , "Why can't every country have all seasons? Why didn't God make it like that?" Then I realized, things can't always happen what you expect it to be.
I've always blamed my dad for choosing to come to Panama, how much I cried. I remember I lived in Sweden, Stockholm. Every peace of my life, every second of my life, it was like magic. Cool weather, snow, nice fresh breeze, nature surrounding me, generous people, I've always felt free, as if my chain that was holding me, broke.
I'm not telling you that I HATE summer, but countries with all summer, I can't stand living in those countries for more than 3 years. I'd get sick, tired, exhausted. I guess thats just how I am. Yeji. That simple girl. Its me, and I can't stop from being who I am. The girl who loves cold weather but hates being sweaty under the sun.

Never Dies, Nor Does it Burn

George-the man who can be short-tempered at times-is Lennie's shield, his guard, his protection.

A devoted friend,

who never weakens his commitment to protect his friend,

the way a mother would protect her child.

"Because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you"

Their bond never dies, nor does it burn.

George, the idealist,

who believes the story of their future farm,

tells and retells to Lennie.

Lennie-the man who has mental retardation,

who likes to pet soft things,

who wants to tend the rabbits- has a vision of his future .

"An' live off the fatta the lan',"

The words precious and strong like gold,

shines like the billion stars in the black sky.

"George gonna come back. He wouldn't do nothing like that. I been with George a long time." The faith, the love, the friendship, never dies, nor it burns.

The moon and the stars

The night and the morning

Troubles, pain, hatred,

sorrow, suffer they would face,

yet their dream,

their future does not stop them from going.

Moving to Panama

The smell of spagetti filled the air, my family busy eating. A lavish amount of spagetti was placed on my plate, ready to be eaten. The spagetti sank into my mouth, so delectable I might have a second serving of spagetti. I didn't realize dad calling me until Minjeong(my sister) kicked me under the table.
"Yeji...We decided to leave Sweden and go to Panama." Dad said excitedly. I froze in shock and consternation. The silence of a few seconds stretched for an eternity. Finally my mouth opened.
"Leave? To a country I've never heard of? Panama?" I replied in disbelief.
"You beseeched us to move to another country Yeji" Mom whispered from the back. My face turned red with anger, tears forming in my eye.
"But thats when I was mad!!!" I stood up, and ran straight to my room, not meeting my parents eyes. I slammed the door shut behind me, as I lay prostrate on my bed. I began to ponder what I would do, what would happen next.
Sweden, a country I am always gratified with, a country that has all the precious memories , is begining to break into million of peaces, impossible to put it back together. I regretted my impetuous decision to insult Sweden . If only I could go back into time, if only I didn't tell dad I wanted to leave...If only... Regrets began to pile up inside me, making me feel guilty.
Suddenly something caught my eyes. A garlands of fresh flowers were placed on my desk. I looked at it and thought, " Maybe...maybe in Panama, I would bloom like those flowers, getting use to the country like I did in Sweden, and my leaves would turn old and fall out, and without me noticing, I'd miss Panama, just like I did to Sweden" A smile stretched across my face, and I felt something grow inside me. A little seed was planted in my heart, the seed that symbolizes hope.

Seafood:(

I've never liked seafood since I was little. The look of it, the smell of it, always grossed me out. I remember in Korea, I was at my grandparents house and we had seafood for dinner. The alive small looking octopus legs were cut into many little peaces, as they move and twist from the white plate. I stared. Grandma had one ready for me, already in her chopstick, moving like a worm.

"Yeji, try this. Its very delicious" She said joyfully. I hesitated. After deciding that I was going to give it a try, I opened my mouth, and in it went. Sticky, gewy, slimy. It stuck on my tongue like glue, and that instant I threw up. Tears exploded from my eyes. From that day on, I've never dared any seafood in my mouth. And of course, never the octopus.

People think korean like seafood, and yes it's true. They expect Koreans, no actually Asians to like seafood. But what I think is that people are different and for me, I dont like seafood. In fact, I hate them.

Sushi, one of the most popular seafood that people like, well I've never tried one. Surprised? Please, dont be. It's me, and I cant change who I am. I would be me forever, the girl who hates seafood.

Waiting, Then You Get

I sat on my chair, hw waiting paciently on my desk, waiting it to be finished. 6:35, at least 4 or 5 more hours until Minjeong and Dad comes back from Washington. 5 more hours...I sighed heavily, and I browsed through my desk, looking for a sharp pencil. My hand flew to the white paper, my hw so easy you could work out the problems in your head. Easy as anything. Then I stopped. Suddenly a thought flashed in my head, interuppting my study.
Minjeong was always the one going somewhere with my dad FIRST! Anger erupted like a volcano. Why? Why cant it be me? Why? Is being younger meaning not having more "responsibility" than your older sister? Is that it? Question asked wildly in my head, but not answered.
I sighed heavily, as I quickly finished my hw. My heart was stuffed, with hatred, anger, jealousy, and more anger. I've waited so much, actually longer than my sister to go to washington. But my dad picked HER...I remember how much I wanted to scream, like in a plastic bag and pop it in another world, and my scream would explode. There is nothing to keep my mind to calm down, but maybe sleep. I layed down in my head, the blanket sinking me deeper into it like a quick sand. My eyes rested, time running by.
It was nearly 10 and I havent noticed Minjeong and dad come in until Minjeong decided to pock me. I woke up, and stared. A white sweater, with colorful flowers was held by her hands, up in the air to show me. A scream escaped from my mouth, and I hugged Minjeong until she told me I was hugging her to tight. I laughed.
Waiting, its something thats really hard for me. It need pacient. But someone like me, well you have to practice. But you wait, you have pacient, and something would happen. Something GOOD would happen. You'll get something as in return :)

Betrayed

Lyn and I squeezed ourself between the busy people, making our way to our locker, at the 2nd floor. Click Pop! My locker opened, and I felt a tap on my left shoulder. I look behind. Fransisco, my worst enemies friend (Jessica) , stood behind me, a smile placed on her face .
" Jessica wants to meet you in the Wonderland Park. She wants to give you something" Fransisco pleaded. I pondered through the question, thinking of an answer.
"No" I replied coldly, not meeting her eyes.
" C'mon Em, I beseech you for this. She says she has to see you right now " Fransisco's voive rose .
I took a deep breathe, and the word just slipped out of my mouth, "Ok"
Fransisco's view dissappeared into the crowds of students. Lyne, who was watching the whole thing, nudged me. I jumped up, realizing I have 2 minutes until class start. I dumped my book in my bagpack, and headed straight to english class, Lyne next to me
Mr. Kye as usual, talked and talked, boredom in everyones eyes. Thats when my brain started to think. Why would Jessica want to see me? All these years, she never ever spoke a word to me. Would she want to be friends with me again? Questions filled the air, and I didnt realizeMr. Kye calling me until Lyne poked me hard on the ribs. I was daydreaming, something I never do. I felt someone staring at me that second, someone glaring at me. I looked around, everyone was reading. I browsed through the students, and spotted someone. Jessica. Her eyes was vicious, as if she was staring through my soul. I quickly turned my head, my heart raced. I thought of any possible reasons why Jessica would stare at me as if I was some trash or a stranger to her. No answers came in mind.
School ended unusually fast, and I could feel swet forming in my palm. My heart raced uncontrollable, as if it was about to burst through my ribs. I got my bicycle, peddaling fast to the Wonderland park. It isnt really a "Wonderland " Park, but rather a strange small ,not very popular park. Dark I shall say. My destination was closer, just a few meters away from me. I stoped. Should I really go? What if...what if something bad happenes to me? What if... My mind was thinking negative, looking at the dark sight. I pedaled slowly, and sounds of reverly came from the park. I stopped, listening closely to their conversation. Jessica's laughter was the loudest and I heard a voice I recognized. Lyne. Lyne?
Suddenly a shocking sentence was heared, from... from Lyne's voice.
" Ugh, it was so hard to pretend being Emma's friend. Today is the day when we can finally revenge her!!!What a brat she was" Everything in my head was blank. My heart sank. I stared. I regretted my impetuous decision of saying I was coming, of me being so stupid. I turned my bicycle, going the opposite direction to the park. Going home. My mind, my heart was broosed, torn, cut, ripped. Lyne, who has been my friend since Kindergarten, betrayed me. I couldnt figure out why, but I know I was backstabbed. Tears pour down my cheeks, as if it was a broken fountain. My legs was moving fast, passing through the busy cars, beeping sounds echoed my ears, but I didnt care. I pass the laundary store, school, bakery, and by the time I reached my house, my breath was out. My heart is sore, broosed. My cheeks was pink, sore because of the tear. I started screaming, not caring who or what was looking at me. I just couldnt stop blamming the world. I just couldnt...

Confession Thusday: Why is it Always Me?

I have to confess that I really hate it when someone calls me for help ALL THE TIME. This, always happens to me at my house. And I suffer through it every single time, pressing my anger down. Whenever Im doing hw, when Im in the shower, when Im eating, when Im playing, everysingle minute of my life, Mom would call ME for help. I mean, Minjeong is just next to herwhy cant SHE ask HER? Am I this servant who have to help her all the time? I dont mind helping once or twice, I mean thats easy. But imagine ALL THE TIME! The word already is giving me goosebumps.

Some of you people might think that Im a spoilt person who hates helping her parents, but if you're in my shoe right now, handling my situation, trust me, you would feel the pain. My mom, who thinks Im the "nice child", thinks I am always going to help her. Yes, I can but not ALL THE TIME. I am not the only child Mom!!!Minjeong is right next to you doing her hw in your desk, and Im miles apart from you. But still she insist to call me. I wish so hard to punch the pillow then, and yes sometimes I go crazy because of this. It stresses me out!!!White hair might grow out of my head!

Most of the time, I wanto to scream at her, or just cry till no tears are left. I feel so used at times, and now at home, I just cant handle it. I just cant... Im always the one taking care of Chloe all the time, the one helping mom, the one who have to handle everything what people say. I wonder if Mom doesnt feel anything, if she expects me do what she orders me". If only she calls on Minjeong too, if only shes equal, then maybe I could help her...